Joke of the week
After a players meeting held the Saturday night before, where all the
talk is about the lads given up the drink for the whole year & lads
never missing a training session, your approach this year renewed hope
that it would be different than the shambles that was last year.
You arrive in the door from work & forget that you've training in 2
hours time & eat the dinner, followed by tea & whatever biscuits are
still left in the tin of USA biscuits from the Christmas.
No sooner do you stand up from the table than you remember you've to
head down to training, your brain hits overdrive as you try to think of
an injury that you possibly could have...that you only sustained in the
last 48hrs, because as you explained to the players in the smoking room
in the local pub on Saturday night, you've never felt in better shape.
Jesus that was some session though Saturday night.
You decide that you better head down to training (sure it might not be
too bad after all its the 1st night back & the manager won't want to
torture ye...after all the players had no respect for him last year,
maybe he'll go easy on you tonight while the other lads are running
laps). You grab the jacket & the gear bag & head for the door. You
remember your going without the fags, but you reckon your better off not
bringing them, after all you told the lads you were off them!!!
You pull in to the pitch & see lads sitting in cars looking out at some
lad whose setting out cones all round the field, you decide to head in
to the dressing room, show the lads how serious you are!!!
You wander in & find the manager & 3 selectors standing there
chatting...but if there in here, then whose out there putting down the
cones. They explain that they've got an army lad in for the next 2
months to get ye in good shape...you feel the spuds churning in your
stomach...something tells you, you'll see them again before the nights
You break out the brand new gear & a few lads admire the new Puma boots
you bought, EUR180 you inform them...there also the same 1's Ciarian
Whelan & Munnelly wear. You check the cogs, which look like something
NASA came up with, but you reckon it'll give you that extra yard in
You chat to the same lads that you only spoke to last year, the same
lads who arrived late last year, are arriving late as you head out the
dressing room door & into the bitterly cold January night air, it most
definately wasn't this cold earlier on.
You run on to the pitch & survey the cones laid out, its hard to know
exactly what sort of football drills this lad is likely to be using
here...you then notice that there's actually not an O'Neills football in
sight. Your run slows down to a jog, then to a walk...no point over
doing it yet!!!
Training starts at 8, although its 8.15 & lads are still coming out on
to the field...little do they realise that everytime a lad comes after 8
your trainer adds on an extra lap to be run at the end of training by
You start off training by running aimlessly over & back across the
field...every now & again the trainer shouts for ye to sprint...but your
already at full tilt to stay with them as it is. After 10-15 mins of
agony ye stop for stretching, this apparently was only the warm up...
After you've finished stretching ye proceed to run around the field for
what seems an eternity, but what the trainer informs you has only been
12 mins!!! At this stage your lungs are killing you & you regret ever
taking up smoking 40 a day, & your dinner is slowly working its way back
up your stomach!!!
Your also well sick of the county minor player lapping you on these
runs...who does he think he is? It comforts you a huge amount when you
discover that he's recently been dropped off the panel, yet still
trained tonight in the gear that you know his mother went out & bought
Another 45 mins of running laps, sprints, shuttle runs, sit ups, push
ups, & more laps, the trainer says 1 final lap to finish up. This is
your moment to shine. You decide to hit the front early & set the
pace...you go full pelt...you feel fitter, faster & stronger than ever
before. You might have died for the last hour & a half or so but now
your going to show them.
40 yards in to the run...you hit your 10th brick wall of the night &
lads coast out by you, you try to stay going, but every step feels like
a knife in the chest. Finally you give up & walk the last half a lap,
where the other lads are just finished stretching!!! You try & stretch
but your 2 legs feel like 2 concrete pillars so you decide there's no
point & head in to the dressing room...a hot shower is just what you
You greeted at the door by the Chairman who informs ye all that no one
turned on the boiler for the showers so there's no hot water in it!!!
You throw on the clothes & scab a cigeratte off 1 of the lads before you
get in the car to drive home.
As you drive home, you thank god your the only goalie in the club, they
won't see you at training again till mid March!!!